FLASH FICTION: Barney’s Little Boat

This week’s version of the Flash Fiction Challenge. If you would like to give the challenge a try, start at Rochelle’s Purple Blog and join the fun.

Here’s the concept: A weekly picture is posted, and the writer is challenged to produce one-hundred (more or less) words of some sort of fiction with a complete plot (beginning, middle and end). 

For benefit of my fellow North Americans, I’ve attached a Glossary at the end of the story for your edification.

PHOTO CREDIT: Georgia Koch

PHOTO CREDIT: Georgia Koch

BARNEY’S LITTLE BOAT

“Pull over. Gotta see a man about a dog!”

“Hundred stone of Charlie, an’ this chav fancies a stink up in the woods!”

My bollocks were on the chopper in a cock-up with this cargo. I drove on, and let him blow off.

“There she is!”

“Wot, the dinghy fell off the sodding Titanic? You taking a piss?” I was bricking it.

“Observe, you shirty cunt.”

The daft cow came out a right boffin after his last stint of her majesty’s pleasure. He learned to sophisticate that duff little boat.

Who’d think of making monkeys smuggling with a shabby raft? Not Barney and his wanks, that’s who.

GLOSSARY:

See a man about a dog – Have a shit

Stone – british measure of weight – about 6 kg or almost 14 lbs

Charlie – street word for cocaine

Chav – white trash, like those in the “People seen at Wal-mart” meme

Bollocks – balls

Cock-up – screw-up

Blowing off – farting

Taking a piss – like “pulling my leg”

Bricking it – shit-scared

Shirty – ill-tempered, angry

Her majesty’s pleasure – jail

Boffin – expert, smart-person, in a technical sense, like an engineer

Duff – useless

Monkeys – slang for 500 British pounds

Barney – police

Wanks – jerk-offs, losers

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