FLASH FICTION: Barney’s Little Boat
This week’s version of the Flash Fiction Challenge. If you would like to give the challenge a try, start at Rochelle’s Purple Blog and join the fun.
Here’s the concept: A weekly picture is posted, and the writer is challenged to produce one-hundred (more or less) words of some sort of fiction with a complete plot (beginning, middle and end).
For benefit of my fellow North Americans, I’ve attached a Glossary at the end of the story for your edification.
BARNEY’S LITTLE BOAT
“Pull over. Gotta see a man about a dog!”
“Hundred stone of Charlie, an’ this chav fancies a stink up in the woods!”
My bollocks were on the chopper in a cock-up with this cargo. I drove on, and let him blow off.
“There she is!”
“Wot, the dinghy fell off the sodding Titanic? You taking a piss?” I was bricking it.
“Observe, you shirty cunt.”
The daft cow came out a right boffin after his last stint of her majesty’s pleasure. He learned to sophisticate that duff little boat.
Who’d think of making monkeys smuggling with a shabby raft? Not Barney and his wanks, that’s who.
See a man about a dog – Have a shit
Stone – british measure of weight – about 6 kg or almost 14 lbs
Charlie – street word for cocaine
Chav – white trash, like those in the “People seen at Wal-mart” meme
Bollocks – balls
Cock-up – screw-up
Blowing off – farting
Taking a piss – like “pulling my leg”
Bricking it – shit-scared
Shirty – ill-tempered, angry
Her majesty’s pleasure – jail
Boffin – expert, smart-person, in a technical sense, like an engineer
Duff – useless
Monkeys – slang for 500 British pounds
Barney – police
Wanks – jerk-offs, losers